So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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