Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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