Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
