Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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