Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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