You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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