I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dear god my vagina.
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