ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
