just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
