Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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