evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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