You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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