I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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