Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
COCAINE IS GR8
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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