Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
