If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I did not marry a roomba.
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