im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
