I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
