How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this boner is exhausting
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
