Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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