no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
