Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
