K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
