Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
