my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
