I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
