I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
