u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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