you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
