I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i will never coherently bang her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
