a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
