he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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