dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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