worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
