my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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