The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
