could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
