Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
