My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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