I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
