You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
