i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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