Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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