OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A+ Viking dick
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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