...so i touched it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
