I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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