so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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