I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
