its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
