There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
