You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
