p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
