At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
