what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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