guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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