i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We need to rekindle our bromance
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
