i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
