The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
