So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
