apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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