I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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